Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I feel...

I feel like these sweet, old shoes. Worn out, crumpled and dejected. The weekend went as well as it could have so that is a blessing. We traveled to Houston to pick up my Mother-in-law and Father-in-law and then we all traveled to Baton Rouge. My Father-in-law has what we think is Alzheimer's disease. He has no short term memory, but does not seem to comprehend his mental state. He seems to believe he is fine, but he is very short tempered and defensive so I believe he must know it's bad and is scared.
We had to go to his house in Baton Rouge to prepare for his move back to Houston with my Mother-in-law. They are not divorced, but he has worked out of state for the past 12 years. She has been getting ready to consolidate the two households and we needed to pack his house. His overall physical health is terrible (congestive heart failure, fluid around lungs and heart) and he is unable to even walk across the room without being so winded he can't speak.
Part of the mission for the weekend was to get rid of the things that they did not have room for in Houston. He has saved every car magazine he has ever owned since, well forever and there were boxes and boxes and boxes. He thought my husband would want them. But there were so many of them it's just not practical to keep them. They were so heavy we ended up buying a dolly to help cart them out of the house. He has been told we were coming to get the Baton Rouge house ready for weeks, but a few hours before we picked them up in Houston he asked my Mother-in-law why we were coming and if it was to help them decide where the furniture would go upstairs in the Houston house. Needless to say, once in Baton Rouge when he saw his things leaving the house he was not happy. But, I believe he simply felt so bad he had no fight left to fight.
I know they were just magazines, but they were important to him and now I feel terrible and sad. We saved all his model trains and his framed vintage car ads. We saved his hard back books and movie posters. His Fred Astaire posters and his Clark Gable posters. He even had an original "Gone with the Wind" movie poster. We were careful and went through every box. Why do I feel so callous and heartless? The whole situation makes me feel sad for everyone involved. My Mother-in-law is wonderful and handling things very well. We have a hard road ahead with this situation. I'm sorry to write about this, but it does make me feel better. Your sweet comments and support make me feel so blessed also. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love, Jamie

13 comments:

Angela said...

Ohh Jamie, I often feel like old worn out shoes to girly. Your not alone there.
:) *HUGS*

"Early Bird" said...

I know it is a stressful time...try to keep a sweet smile on your face...we are here any time you want to vent...

Lori said...

oh honey my thoughts and prayers are with you...we went through this with my husband's grandmother and believe me I understand how difficult and painful it is...all of us are here anytime you need to vent...

Jeannene said...

"You are in my prayer", You are such a sweet spirit, I can tell by reading your post. Have a great day!!

Pam Aries said...

Jamie.. this made me cry. Bless your heart. And bless you Father in law. I can't imagine ! This is a tough thing for all concerned. I am thinking of you!

Corey Moortgat said...

Hi Jamie, I can somewhat relate to your situation- my grandfather had Alzheimer's, and it was terrible to watch... I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful commment on my blog this morning- it really means a lot for you to say that my style is unique, because that's something I constantly struggle with!

Erin Earls said...

This is never a good thing, my father is only 61, and can not remember how to do some of the most simple things. It is sad and frightening.

The Feathered Nest said...

Oh my goodness, Jamie! What a wonderful daughter-in-law you are! It must be so hard for him to understand what is going on having so much memory loss. I'll be thinking of you and your family as you go through this big change. xxoo, Dawn

Erin Earls said...

You are so sweet. Mom has most of the plates put away, I asked here about them when I saw them here. And thank you for your kind words!

LisaOceandreamer said...

Jamie this is the hardest part of the transitions our parents and inlaws must go through. We had to do this with my own parents at one time and now it was done with the inlaws. They had to move from a home they lived in over 50 years...and it suddenly came down to "do you want this? do you need this?" It's terribly hard because on the one hand you know it's necessary and on the other you feel like you are personally responsible for taking away their belongings. You just have to tell yourselves that it's all for the best and in the end it's wise to do it now...sort now...get rid of things now.
I have felt like those shoes you pictured for too long. Soon, really, there will be some shiny new ones...you'll see!
Sending you hugs!
XO

Cheryl said...

love your analogy - so glad you are back home - thoughts and prayers on your next steps
C
www.stashstudios.com

Bejeweled said...

What a difficult time for you. I felt sad just reading your post filled with all those things felt so deeply in the heart. Sending *hugs* to you.

lindaharre said...

Jamie, This entry really touched my heart! My mother had the big "A" and it was terribly sad as well! I was the one that had to usher her to the nursing home the day we decided it was time.....and to this day I relive that moment and a sadness comes over me! Just remember that he does not remember from moment to moment what is happening, so his anguish is short lived. hugs, Linda

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