Amazed....

Photograph by Jamie Miller

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."   ~Anais Nin 



I don't know how to say thank you in any way that comes close to the gratitude I feel towards each and every one of you.  Your kind words and shared experiences are amazingly wonderful and brave and fearless and poignant and heart wrenching and heart healing.

I printed out each comment.  I read each one over and over.  On Tuesday, I sat in Debbie's office and read them out loud.  And we marveled at your kindness and generosity and bravery.  Your gentle outpourings of truth and love.  So thank you my friends.  Thank you for sharing a part of you with me and all who come here.  Your willingness to open your hearts and my willingness to open my heart feels so right.  I feel so proud of all of us. 

Photograph by Jamie Miller

Depression holds different demons for each person.  Talking about our fears and experiences is so very freeing.  I spend an hour every week with Debbie.  And together we have moved emotional mountains over the past 5 years.  One thing I have always said to her is that I was afraid people would not take my art seriously or me as a blogger seriously if they saw the real me.  That I felt like an imposter.  I never lied about myself, but I knew I was hiding my weight issues from you.  For fear of being judged.  But really, it was I who was judging.  Judging myself and judging you.  Not trusting you enough to be able to see through to the real me.

This 40 year old Jamie still sees herself cowering in her school desk, hearing the daily fat jokes and taunts from classmates.  She still can feel the burning shame when they stuck gum in her hair on the school bus.  But I think now that this Jamie would have something to say for herself.

And I certainly would tell them where they could stick their gum.