I have told this story to my mother and my husband, so I can tell it here.
It is humiliating and hard.
I woke up on Thursday and had a brain storm that my boys needed cooler clothes. Not because they had bad clothes. But because I realized that I had only shopped at Old Navy and Target for them. NOT COOL. The school they attend is full of very privileged children, who have the very best.
I was thinking I could save them some teasing by giving them the best in clothing that money could buy. (James had come home and said that he was teased because he wore skinny jeans.)
They would fit in and no one would be able to call them out on their clothing choices.
I called friends who kept up on that sort of thing. They told me the most popular clothing brands were "Hurley" and "7 for all Mankind" and "True Religion" and "Rock and Republic" and "Diesel." I, of course, have never heard of any of these brands.
If I find a shirt I like, I buy it in every color and I am happy and done.
So, I went to Macy's and met with a wonderful woman named Vivienne. And she helped me with buying a whole new wardrobe for ME. I know I was looking for the kids But, it was fun and giddy and exhilarating. I made myself walk outside of my comfort zone. And she picked out this and that and I said ok. She waited in the dressing room for me and approved every outfit. And I loved almost every one. And we laughed at the ones that did not work and we laughed at the ones that were perfect. And she was fabulous and fun and encouraging. And I felt normal for the first time in a long time. And Vivi made me feel normal and right and excepted. She said that I made her laugh so much. And she made me laugh so much. She did not judge me when I said that a 24 would not fit me. She just kept looking until she found a 26.
And she cheered me and praised me when the 24 fit.
And she accepted me for who I am. Jamie.
Not Fat Jamie. Just Jamie.
Me.
Who I am on the inside. Vivi made me feel real and ok and normal for the first time in a long time.
The last thing I said to her was, "I love ya Vivi" and I do.
She was there for me when she did not know that, that was what I needed most. She was perfect.
That afternoon, I took James to the store with me to pick up jeans and shoes for David. We went to the big boy clothes and I was looking around for clothes for David. There was a Mom there from our school and her two boys.
James being the social guy that he is, said very proudly, " That is my Mom".
And the youngest boy said, " YOUR MOM IS FAT".
Poor James said, "No She is Not!"
And then, the Mom steered them away to another area.
James looked at me panicked struck and said "You are Not fat Mom!!"
"I Love You".
I was so worried about their clothing.
I never recognized that "I " was their biggest liability.
It is "I " that they will be judged about and called out after.
The Fat Mom.
The Mom that stands out.
I cried all the way home. I tried to hide it from James, but he knew. I cried in the car all the way home. When we got home, I called a friend. The boys knew there was something more.
David came to me and said," The more people that make fun of you, the more you learn to deal with them.
When people make fun of me I say, " I don't understand what you mean. Could you please explain it to me?" That stops them in their tracks he said.
I must be doing something right. David gave me better advice than any adult could. I must be teaching them the right things. Those silly boys. I love them so.
This is the best I can do to recover the lost comments I received for the first try at this post. Kim, Anji, Joanna and Karin please know that I appreciate you so very much!!!!! Love, Jamie
